The Seduction of Lincoln Loud
by AberrantScript
Summary: How do I tell my little brother that he melts my heart with his cocky grin? He gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling with each hug? I know, I know… I am Luan Loud, master prankster and comedian, surely I could just reveal my true self through my own natural expressions: jokes! And you'd be right. After all, what has a few dirty jokes ever done to anybody?


Disclaimer: _The Loud House_ Copyright Nickelodeon (2017)

* * *

THE SEDUCTION OF LINCOLN LOUD

Today was just like every other day. I woke up in a mess of sheets. I groggily made my way to the ever-growing line for the bathroom. I ate my breakfast in a haze of foggy memory. Needless to say, I am not a morning person.

So, what was different about this morning?

As I surveyed my appearance in front of my mirror, I took in my long brown hair tied into a ponytail, my white shirt and yellow plaid skirt, and the assortment of flowers decorating my clothing. I gave myself an encouraging smile, my braces staring back at me. My hands reached up to adjust the fake flower attached to my shirt.

Yes, I am not your average girl. My innocent, happy-go-lucky appearance screams dork, while my extreme pranking on April Fool's Day reveals the little sadist inside me. But deep down, I am generally not all that complex. I'm just a simple girl who knows exactly what I want…

 _Total world domination!_

Heh, not really. What I really want is to make everyone laugh. Especially, _him_.

The only other thing you really need to know about me is that I've had my heart set on ensnaring my one and only brother in the most glorious trap of all…

 _Love_.

Now, while I'll always love my brother, I couldn't help but fall for his selfless acts and supporting nature. I grew fonder and fonder until I couldn't get enough. I want more, I need more… Some nights it takes all of my willpower not to pounce him in the still hours of twilight like a mad hare in heat, going for hours and hours and-

(Awkward cough) My point is that I love my brother, Lincoln, _a lot_. But I have never done the first thing to show him my true feelings. Call me a coward or what you will, but can you imagine the chaos that would cause, even in my family?

So, perhaps what makes today so different is that I have finally decided to tell him my true feelings.

But there's the snag… how do I tell my little brother that he melts my heart with his cocky grin? He gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling with each hug?

I know, I know… I am Luan Loud, master prankster and comedian, surely I could just reveal my true self through my own natural expressions: jokes!

And you'd be right.

After all, what has a few _dirty jokes_ ever done to anybody?

And so with one last self-encouraging smile and onceover of my appearance, I exit my room to find my brother and knock his pants off…

 _Literally_.

* * *

"Finally, the new Ace Savvy comic is out!" yelled Lincoln, as he burst out his doorway, purely innocent and unsuspecting of his big sister whom was watching him from nearby.

Unable to keep herself away any longer, Luan approached with a spring in her step.

"Oomph!"

Lincoln was startled when Luan suddenly bounced toward him, landing roughly in front of him, rubbing her shoulder which took the brunt of the impact.

 _I guess that was a little too much spring_. She looked up into her brother's caring, concerned eyes and felt her heart melt that much more. Then, she gave him a grin. "Heh, it's not even noon and I'm already falling for you, Lincoln."

The white-haired kid sighed, but reached a hand out to help her up. "Are you ok, Luan?"

"Never better!" She sighed dreamily before she remembered her plan. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out a bra. "Actually, would you mind helping me with my laundry today?" She leaned in closer to him, her eyelids lowering by a fraction. "I'd like to get a few _loads_ in and I could really use your help..."

Lincoln's face tinged the faintest pink at her closeness and apparent suggestiveness. _This is your big sister, Lincoln! Get your head out of the gutter!_ He coughed awkwardly. "Um, actually, Luan. I wanted to make a stop at the comic book store…" He turned to the side, trying to get his blush to go away.

Luan smirked at her innocent prey. "Oh, no problem, Linc." She put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You know what really makes a girl like me happy?" She pulled a card out from behind his ear, revealing to him the Two of Hearts.

He looked at her and the card curiously, wondering what had gotten into his sister this morning. "Uh, card tricks?"

She chuckled before leaning into his ear, her arm curling around to his back. "Close, but I'd like it more if you'd go _all in_ when we play _poke-her_ …" She pulled back and stared at him with half-lidded eyes. "Get it?"

Lincoln pulled at his collar, swallowing through a dry throat, his face burning. "Ha-ha, heh, uh, h-how about that comic, Luan?" And like that he took off like a dart for the stairs, not pausing to see if his sister was coming or not.

She laughed, her own cheeks faintly pink, before she casually walked after him. "I'm coming, Lincoln!" she yelled after him. Then, quietly, she shared her own private joke, "Boy, howdy, does he work fast."

As she reached the top step, she took a quick glance to her room and noticed her roommate and big sister, Luna, giving her a thumbs up and supportive smile.

Luan, in turn, winked and chuckled, taking the first step toward the romance of a lifetime.

* * *

Some minutes later, Lincoln and Luan were walking down the sidewalk side-by-side, a few blocks away from the comic shop. They were laughing and joking when suddenly a van drove right through a puddle, splashing water all over Luan's side.

She gasped at the shock of cool water running down her side, soaking her to the bone in an instant. Then, with a smirk and gleaming eyes, she turned to her little brother and leaned on her hip toward him. "You know, I seem to always get _wet_ when I'm around you." She laughed, crossing her arms under her chest. "Get it?"

Lincoln went into a full-on meltdown as his face turned a dangerous shade of red… caused not only by the sudden inappropriate thoughts Luan's joke put in his mind, nor by the subtle way her crossed arms drew his eyes straight to her chest…

No, he nearly died on the spot when he looked down and realized that his big sister's white shirt was now translucent… _Thank God she decided to where a bra- why am I even looking at her chest!?_

With a horrified expression he suddenly reached out and pulled Luan to his chest, nearly crying when he realized how amazing it felt to squish his chest against his sister's brea— _Nope, not even gonna think about that!_

Luan's eyes exploded at the sudden contact, smiling gleefully. "Wow, Lincoln, I guess you could say we're _attracted_ to each other." She winked at his steaming face.

He coughed a bit awkwardly, unsure how to take Luan's joke. "Um, y-your shirt, and the water, and, I-I just thought-" He blushed even harder at the half-lidded look his sister's eyes gave him.

"And you just thought you'd protect your big sister's modesty. Lincoln, that's an amazing quality in a brother," she continued in a whisper, "and a boyfriend."

He shook his head. "Wait, a _what!?_ "

She squeezed him against her chest, relishing the intimate embrace for a few seconds before she released him, giving him a small reprieve to recompose himself.

His blush partially under control, he looked around them and saw a nearby dollar store. He coughed to catch his sister's attention. "Uh, Luan, d-do you, uh would you like me to buy you a new shirt?" He glanced over at the store.

Luan followed his line of sight. "Oh, sure, Lincoln!" She turned and saw a small clearing near their spot. "I'll just wait over there for you. Don't be long. After all, I'm counting on you to protect me." With that, she began walking away, one finger reaching up to press softly on his nose before falling beside her swaying hips.

Lincoln gulped, suddenly mesmerized by her walk, before a distant car horn shook him back to reality and he started for the store.

* * *

"Luan?" Lincoln called out once he got close to the clearing, a yellow T-shirt in his hand. After a few more steps he saw a familiar ponytail bobbing side to side right above a bench. Smiling to himself, he walked around the seat to face his sister.

She was sitting there, the sun rays lighting up her vibrant face, a soft smile adorning her cheeks. She was humming a tune Lincoln recognized from Luna's own repertoire, bobbing softly to the inner beat of the music.

He almost couldn't bring himself to interrupt her, until his attention was drawn to two slightly darker spots swaying with her body. _Are those her nip-Ok! Definitely not going there!_

He turned his head away so fast his neck popped.

Luan opened her eyes at the noise, only to see her brother holding a shirt, his face blushing brilliantly. She grinned before standing up and taking the shirt from him. "Thanks for the shirt, Lincoln." She started walking over to a bush beside a building.

Lincoln, eyes looking firmly anywhere but _there_ , followed his sister. "Um, where are you going, Luan?"

She turned her head slightly, peeking at him with a cheeky grin. "Where else am I going to change my shirt, Lincoln?"

He shrugged, following her logic. But then blushed harshly once he realized the gravity of the situation. "But, Luan! What if someone walks by!?"

Finally behind the bush, she turned her head to face Lincoln fully. "That's why I have my little brother here to protect me."

Lincoln was stunned as he saw Luan's smirking face slowly turn away from him, her fingers running down her sides to grip her wet shirt. He watched as inch by precious inch of glistening skin was revealed until he was met with the whole expanse of her back, marred only by the straps of her bra.

Teasingly slowly her fingers danced around the strap until they unhooked it, pulling it off her arms. She turned slightly, revealing the side of one soft mound, as she reached out for her new shirt.

Slowly, the yellow fabric slithered down her bare skin, hiding her moist body, and leaving him hanging in the most excruciating of ways.

Realizing that he watched her the whole time, Lincoln turned sharply away before he could be caught… he prayed his blushing cheeks and warm body could be passed off as a sudden sun stroke. _Better mention dehydration if that's gonna be believable at all!_ But as he heard his sister's footsteps growing louder, he realized he had another problem… a very _big_ problem.

Hurriedly adjusting himself, he made sure to face away from his sister as she stepped beside him.

Noticing the sudden awkward shifting of clothing, Luan grinned evilly. She leaned over and kissed her brother's cheek, at the corner of his mouth. "Thanks, Lincoln. I'm glad I can trust you to help me. I'm not sure I could _bare_ that all by myself. I might've made a _boob_ out of myself." She hugged him quickly, _accidentally_ grinding herself against him in the process, and definitely feeling something hard _down there_. Smiling gently at him, she let go, but grabbed his hand with hers and interlocking their fingers together. "Welp, I'm ready if you are, Lincoln!"

And with a cheer in her step, they walked toward the comic book store. Her face smiling a billion watts; his face hotter than the sun.

* * *

Soon the two siblings were surveying the store's goods. Lincoln was frantically searching for the new issue, while Luan was waiting for the perfect opportunity to tease him about his _snake_ in the boot, or rather, pants. She chuckled to herself suddenly, spooking Lincoln who had just grabbed the last copy of the new issue.

"Geez, Luan, warn a guy next time you're gonna laugh like that." He looked on, annoyed at his giggling sister.

Luan, meanwhile, faux-wiped a tear from her eye. "Ah, Lincoln, I can't help but laugh when you fill my tummy with a warm, tingly sensation."

He raised an eyebrow. "I have literally no idea what you're talking about." He gestured to his comic. "I picked this up. Next thing I know, I'm three feet in the air!" He grumbled quietly when he saw her smack her knee with a 'HA!' _Ugh, girls!_

Controlling herself, she looked at him fondly. "Oh, don't worry, Lincoln. It's a good thing, what you make me feel. Trust me, it's a natural and pleasant feeling." Her eyes suddenly sparkled. "Speaking of which, I can think of another way to _fill_ my tummy with _warm_ and _tingly_ things… all-natural, too."

She took a step closer, as Lincoln took a step backward, gulping and going red yet again. _Geez, what is wrong with you today! This is Luan, YOUR SISTER! Show some respect, and decency, and- Good Lord! Her shirt is riding up- NO! Bad Lincoln!_

Shaking his head, and abruptly turning away, he practically sprinted to the counter, yelling over his shoulder, "Sorry, Luan! Just gonna go pay for this! Uh, meet you out front!"

She chuckled again, grinning mischievously, her braces glinting in the poor lighting of the store.

* * *

The sun slowly moving through an evening sky when Lincoln and Luan found themselves nearing their home.

Lincoln was so excited about his comic he had forgotten about all his traitorous thoughts toward his sister.

Luan, however, decided to take remedy the issue with an interactive approach. "Hey, Lincoln."

The unsuspecting boy replied, "Yeah?" his attention completely engrossed with his book. He did not notice that Luan had taken ahold of his arms, now standing in front of him.

"Would you like to practice a dance with me? It's called the _horizontal tango_." She flashed him a sideways grin.

He flipped to another page in his comic. "Sure, anytime you want, Luan."

He flipped another page just as his sister dipped him backward, leaning over him with unnoticed-by-him bedroom eyes. "Well, I hope you're still up for protecting me because I don't have any _protection_ myself."

Another page. "Of course, Luan. I won't let anything happen to you."

She gave him a warm smile, her eyes burning with passion. "I hope you don't mind cleaning up, too. We might make a big mess…"

"Don't worry, I'll take care of everything."

"Not to mention the screaming…"

"On it."

A dreamy sigh. "You turn me on without even trying, Lincoln."

Another page. "I'm glad to be the world's best brother."

"How do you feel about becoming the world's best father?"

"Anything for my big sis."

The two stood like that, in an awkward embrace, as Luan daydreamed about their future, and Lincoln flipped another page.

And another.

And… another.

Then, he developed a crick in his back and finally looked up to see that his sister was holding him and leaning over him, her ponytail hanging limply against his shoulder. "Um, Luan, what are you doing?"

She sighed again. "Oh, I was practicing a dance move for my act." She straightened them up, but accidentally knocked her fake flower off; it landing in a bit of mud.

Lincoln looked at it apprehensively. "Ah, sorry about that, Luan."

She put her hand on his shoulder to reassure him. "Don't worry, Lincoln. That's not the only squirting flower I have." She winked at him before turning around and walking the last few steps to their home.

Lincoln blushed madly, silently muttering self-loathing words.

* * *

Things were fairly calm when they stepped inside. Luna was quick to snatch up Luan for a quick chat in their shared bedroom. And all Lincoln's other sisters were busy with their own things. So, Lincoln decided to finish his comic while he waited to be called for dinner. Hopefully, the crime-fighting adventures of Ace Savvy would take his mind of his big sister. How ridiculously _hot_ she suddenly became today. How sexy sounding some of her jokes were. Her seductive, swinging hips as she walked down the sidewalk. The subtle curve of her naked growing breas- _Argh! This isn't helping!_

He jumped off his bed in frustration, huffing to himself when his mom called them all down for dinner.

With a depressed sigh, he steeled himself to face his family, and prayed no one would notice the growing feelings he had for his comedic sister.

* * *

Luna's face was shocked, her mouth wide open. "You changed your shirt right in front of him?"

Luan nodded, blushing faintly. "My bra, too."

Luna whistled. "Wow, bold, dude."

Luan giggled. "Oh, but it was worth it. You should have seen how uncomfortable his pants became. The poor guy couldn't stop fidgeting for a whole minute!"

Luna laughed with her. "I've gotta hand it to you, little sis. You sure know how to scheme."

Luan smirked. "Oh, I know. Which reminds me. I've gotta thank Lori for driving in that puddle for me; that was all thanks to her."

Luna grinned. "You used your _wet_ joke, didn't you?"

Luan practically glowed in pride. "Of course, what sort of seductress would I be if I hadn't?" She raised an eyebrow at her older sister.

Luna shook her head, softly chuckling before she playfully shoved her sister. "Come on, Luan, dinner's gonna be done soon."

Together, they two girls started to leave the room, Luan following behind her older sister. "Get a move on, Luna. I have a ravenous appetite…" She muttered to herself, "…for a certain white-haired hottie."

Luna snickered. "Heard that."

* * *

Lincoln could have died during dinner. Things were bad enough whenever he was actually able to turn away and hide his shame and embarrassment. But no, he could do nothing to abate his red face, control his sick thoughts.

Making things even worse, Luan just happened to be right in his line of sight. And no matter what he did otherwise, his eyes kept returning back to the yellow shirt he bought for her, with the distinct knowledge that she was wearing nothing underneath, and he could have sworn he could make out the same curve he saw earlier in the day.

Cue steamy recollection of his sister changing in his mind's eye, and another self-deprecating comment.

This garnered the attention of his younger sister, Lucy.

"Uh, Lincoln. Why do you keep looking at Luan?"

He choked on his food. "Wh-what do you mean? I'm not looking at her! Lu-Luan who?" He gave her an exaggerated smile.

"Sigh. Oh, nothing, Lincoln. It just looked like you were staring at your older sister's shirt. The _front_ of her shirt. Perhaps even admiring her figure or imagining what that figure would look like without that shirt obstructing the view…"

Lincoln's mouth fell wide open in shock.

"…but I guess I'm wrong. Where did she get that shirt from anyway, Lincoln?"

Cue steamy recollection of his sister cha- _Stop it, Lincoln! ARGH!_

"Oh, uh, w-well, her other shirt got a little, uh, you see there was this van, um…"

Lucy sighed again. "You were protecting her modesty, weren't you? Sigh. Luan is so lucky."

Lincoln choked again. "What?"

But before he could get an answer, Luan suddenly filled his vision from out of nowhere, holding a bowl of fruit. Cherries, to be precise. Luna was walking by with a stack of plates, heading to the sink.

Lincoln could have sworn he saw his two older sisters wink at each other, but he was too busy gasping for air to be sure.

"Hey, Linc." Luan sat down on his lap as the other seats were already taken by their younger siblings. She twisted herself around to face him, subtly grinding herself down into his lap. Looking at her brother with half-lidded eyes, she put a cherry on her lips, sucking just enough to make a slight 'pop' sound when it went into her mouth. Leaning down she whispered into his ear, "Would you like to _pop_ my cherry?" Leaning back, she pushed a cherry into his lips, then into his mouth, her fingers raking his teeth on their way back out.

As he blushed, he found himself incapable of controlling his reactions to _whatever_ _his sister was doing to him!_

Feeling something beneath her, Luan smirked before twisting a little more atop his lap. "Oh, wow, Linc. Talk about being caught between a rock and a _hard_ place."

Luna suddenly dropped a plate in the sink, and the two siblings could easily make out a faint pinkness to her cheeks. Embarrassed, Luan got up off her brother and went over to help her sister for a bit.

Lincoln immediately took that as his cue to escape to his bedroom.

Lucy, ever-despondent, merely sighed, "Lucky."

* * *

A couple hours later, finally finding a moment's peace after a really long day, Lincoln was laying in his bed in nothing but his underwear. He gave up reading his comic, it laying beside him, because he couldn't get the new image of Luan out of his mind.

When had his jokey sister become so appealing? Why did it take him so long to realize her figure was cast from the same mold as Aphrodite? And more importantly, why was he even thinking of his sister in such a way!?

Surely it couldn't be normal to suddenly want to take his sister, throw her against a wall, and-

 _Nope, definitely not imagining that scene again…_

With a sigh, he rolled onto his side, away from the door.

His self-loathing thoughts made so much noise he didn't hear the knock at his door, the opening and closing or said door, the soft footsteps approach his bed, or the gentle depression of his mattress.

He did, however, feel a hand on his shoulder. Startled, he rolled around, only to come face to face with Luan.

She was in her nightgown now, her hair flowing down one side. Her loving smile gave Lincoln a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach and he felt himself begin to _stir_.

"Hey, Lincoln." She reached her other hand to twiddle with her hair, as her grin turned a bit lopsided when she noticed how his underwear was becoming a bit tight on her brother.

"Uh-uh, h-hey, Luan!" He unconvincingly, trying to reach for his pants, a blanket, or anything to hide his growing problem.

But Luan reached out and took his hands in hers. "I had a fun time with you today."

Sweating and nearly in hysterics, Lincoln nodded and gulped air down his dry throat. "I-I did, too, Luan."

Laying herself down beside her little brother, her gaze still pinning Lincoln to the sheets, her eyes took on a fiery nature. "You know all those jokes I told you today?"

Nearly choking, Lincoln tried to turn away as his face burned, but ultimately he couldn't look away from the passionate look in his sister's eyes. "Y-yeah…?"

She leaned closer to him, letting her nose rest next to his as she whispered, "I was being serious the whole day."

Gasping a ragged breath, and shocked to the core, Lincoln couldn't do anything as his sister suddenly rolled on top him, straddling his legs.

"I meant every single thing I told you today, Lincoln."

She firmly set down on his legs, and curled herself forward until her chest was raking against his and their mouths were inches apart; her upper torso supported only by her hands planted on either side of her brother's head.

"And now, Linc, I want us to play a little game together."

She rolled her body down and back up, scraping against her brother's mostly naked body and pulling her nightgown up with it.

Lincoln almost fainted when he caught a glimpse of his sister's underwear, which was now resting right on top his own, and his _seriously big problem_.

"Wh-what kind of g-game, Luan?"

She leaned down to whisper in his ear. "Oh, it's a baking game with very easy rules."

He found himself nodding along as his hands unconsciously grabbed ahold of his sister's waist.

"What are the rules?"

She leaned back up and looked straight into his eyes, her affection and desire radiating off in tangible waves. "All we need is a girl and a boy."

He chuckled at the awkward requirement. "I guess, we've got that."

"The boy has a special batter for baking, while the girl has an oven."

Lincoln's face turned confused.

"But we don't have those things?"

She smirked at him, rolling herself intimately against her brother.

His eyes shot open wide in understanding.

She chuckled as she inched her mouth closer to her brother's.

"Then, the boy puts that _batter_ in the girl's _oven_."

His mouth fell open in shock, his sister's face close enough he could feel her exhaling breaths.

"And in _nine months_ the game is over."

With that her lips descended onto her brother's, pouring all of her love into the embrace.

Pulling back with a brilliant smile, she giggled. "But the best part is that once the game is over, we can play again."

She gave him a quick peck.

"And again."

Another peck.

"And again."

And a final peck.

Then, as she leaned back up, straightening her back, her brother finally came out of his shocked stupor.

"Wait! Luan, are you serious?"

She pinned him again with her smoldering stare, as her fingers reached for the bottom of her nightgown.

"I've never been more serious in my entire life."

* * *

In the comfort of their own bedroom, Mr. and Mrs. Loud were laying on their bed.

Mrs. Loud sighed. "Honey, I saw Luan finally giving Lincoln bedroom eyes."

Mr. Loud replied, "Our daughter is finally going after what she wants. Good for her."

"Yes, dear, but doesn't that mean we should have that _talk_ with Lincoln soon?"

"Luan's smart. I'm sure she can give him the talk just fine. I'm sure she'd rather demonstrate it anyway. She always was a hands-on type of girl."

"Then, honey, shouldn't we be worried about condoms?"

"Yes… or we could be looking forward to meeting our first grandchild."

The two shared a look before smiling in anticipation.

"Eh, condoms are overrated anyway."


End file.
